WARNING: This is a self absorbed, I-am-so-picked-on kind of post. NOT a HAPPY one, kind of moody...so if you are in a GOOD mood read no further, OR if you enjoy optimism instead of pessimism (sp) read no further-I don't like hanging out with pessimists (Dan calls them realists)-so I wouldn't hang out with me on this blog.
Just a side note before I start: my life is really good, I am really blessed, I don't have much to complain about, BUT I still do... some days are a real bummers. It is raining today so I feel like it is setting the mood
Do you ever feel like you are second place or an afterthought in most people's lives, including the ones you love the most? I do. Yesterday (I should say last night) was one of those nights.
I feel like I am second place to Dan's work, because I get him after a full day of a super BUSY patient load and he is exhausted (I DO NOT blame him) or on his days off where he wants to relax from a busy schedule. He is not wanting to socialize after listening to his patients complain all day ( I DON'T blame him). Even his seminary class gets him bright and spiritually awake. I get the leftovers at the end of the day. He tries his hardest and there is not much he can do to change it. I just have to accept second place as a wife, in one way!
I am second place to my children...or the afterthought. They need me when they need something (not really, but some days it certainly feels that way!) After feeling a little picked on last night when I went to some sacrifice to make something new for dinner and a dessert to boot, Colton says to me, "mom can I set the table for you?" my heart stopped. ABSOLUTELY. After which he asked, "what else can I do for you mom?" Were my ears really hearing this? I told him he could play with Dacie who was having a HARD day (she is not feeling well). He pulled out her tub of toys and occupied her. I started getting a little suspicious and asked him what he wanted. He told me nothing. UNTIL later that evening I was looking at our dry erase board where I keep track of how many days Colton is grounded from playing games, and I realized one day was missing! When I asked who had changed the days, he told me, "don't I get days off for being nice and helping you?" I told him NO! I was grateful and sad at the same time. I then thought that ,for sure, Dacie was always up for some good momma loving--and would come to me regardless. Yeah, she came to me ALL day all right, BUT would not quit screaming unless I was STANDING UP and WALKING AROUND. There was the love with conditions again! So I felt like a second place mother yesterday as well.
Well, nothing cures a picked on heart like good conversations with your mom or mom-in-law. I called both. One I called to ask a question and she told me she would call me back, and never did (this is not the first time it has happened). I have also been excused during conversations with her, so she could talk to another child. I tried the other mom, where I was told to talk to other members of the family while she did some things. During that time another sibling called on another phone and she told me she would call me back---she did, but I was done with being an afterthought for the day. How RUDE, I was first! I KNOW I am not the only child in either family, and that I do not deserve special royalty treatment. I also know that when siblings call that rarely do, or have more severe problems than I do they get the attention. I will do it with my own kids. But, why does the squeaky wheel always get the oil? Maybe I will start being squeaky (just kidding). I also know the stuff I am usually chatting about is not important, BUT taking another call from another sibling validates it. I also know that some of my mothers may feel closer to other children, and that is all right too.They are both VERY busy with their lives and I can hardly expect them to fit me whenever I call. So, Sorry Sorensen siblings I am NOT your mom's favorite...Amy is! I felt like a second place daughter as well.
Hmmm.... so you see, I felt very picked on and went to bed sad. I am writing this so I can remember that life is not perfect and this is my real feelings sometimes. I also am writing this to say I have sympathy now for those who win 2nd place! ha ha
Wo is me!
6 comments:
I've had those days. They are sooooo hard. A little break down (crying is usually enough) in front of the whole family helps sometimes as it tends to completely shock them. It helps them to realize that even mom needs some extra lovin' sometimes (which is something that tends to be forgotten).
My mother-in-law made a comment that the ones who are doing good and making good choices she doesn't worry about because she knows they'll make it through whatever comes their way. Again, I think just letting them know that sometimes you do need some attention is good.
So let it out Alicia. Let them know that you need some extra lovin'. I think it's that moms are looked at us these strong people who can handle anything and sometimes we just have to remind everyone that we have hard days sometimes and we need extra attention sometimes.
I hope you had a better day today!!!! Just remember . . . you're awesome!!!!
I am sorry. I know those days for sure! They are the days when I feel like I just want to tell everyone " I quit!" Wouldn't it be so nice to just be able to "quit" for a while and have some R&R and get away from the day to day stuff? Sometimes I feel like I want to go check into a hotel for the night, for an uninterrupted good night's sleep! Anyway...I think it is important in moments like this that you really let the people who you rely on, know how much you need a listening ear for a few minutes, as well as some undivided attention. Like the previous commenter said, sometimes they don't think they need to worry about you because you seem to do or are doing alright on most occasions.Hang in there...you know it gets better!
Don't take this the wrong way, but I'M SO GLAD YOU POSTED THIS!! Recently I have felt the same way, but also felt I was a heel for feeling that way. I think you are amazing, and so now I feel ok that I felt that way. Do you feel me? lol
Oh, and you are numero uno on my blog list..... :)
I love you, sister! Oh, how you were supposed to post this tonight! Today, after feeling like I could wring the necks of everyone in my home (husband included), I feel like quitting this whole wife/mother thing and finding someone to "wife/mother" me. You know - take care of the details, prepare the meals, clean up the house (at least 50 times a day!), deal with screaming babies and quarelling children all while changing a dirty diaper. You know the drill. Basically putting themselves "2nd" to everyone else's needs. I KNOW that I am blessed and I trust tomorrow will be better but in the meantime, it just brings me comfort to know that I'm not alone. I CAN'T do it all and I too need love and nurturing. Somehow just saying it makes me feel - well - human.
Here's to hoping tomorrow is a better day . . . for both of us.
You are not alone, my dear. You are not alone.
awww--Poor Alicia--I'm sorry you're feeling this way. See you should've come to Honey's baby shower & we would've perked you up! =) I will always remember the Christmas when Carla got the purple hat that said #1 daughter on it, and my brother got the one that said #1 son. My dad said it was just because they were the first of each gender born---but BOO HOO! =( haha j/k--i'm over it 25 years later =)
Hey Alicia! I think we all have days like that...even our moms, who are now grandmas, have days like that. There have been times that I've been reduced to tears when my mom says she'll call me back later because another kid or a visiting teachee is calling in and needs her more urgently than I do.
I also get discouraged thinking that Mark spends all of his time at work, and by the time he gets home, all he has energy for is vegging as he reads FOX News online.
I get frustrated that, after caring for the kids all day long, I'm still left to care for them after he's home.
Right now I'm frustrated because I've got the flu, and Mark was going to watch the kids today so I could get some rest. But, he came down with the flu himself yesterday, so instead I get to continue nurturing everyone so that he can get some rest.
I get frustrated because I'm in a ward that just doesn't seem to get it when it comes to lifting the burdens of others. I returned a call from my R.S. President yesterday, regarding VT assignments, and as I was talking to her, I was gasping for air and hacking up my lungs. She commented on how horrible I sounded, and I mentioned that I'd been sick for most of the last month. At no point did she ask if there was anything that the R.S. could do for me. If I still lived in my old ward in ABQ or in Auburn II Ward, there'd be sisters over here cleaning the house, watching the kids and cooking meals. Not here! At times like these, I so wish I lived closer to my mother. Even though she may take the call from another child over my own, I know that if she could help me in my present time of need, she'd be taking care of me...even if she had to take a call or two in between.
I know that reading journal entries from some pioneers will snap me out of my self-pitty though. So, maybe I best get off to read them. Actually, come to think of it, today is our 8th wedding anniversary and it would be the 100th birthday of my grandmother, had she lived 5 more years. She endured countless hardships, starting with the passing of her father when she was less than two years old, having her right foot bent to fit left shoes because left shoes were all that was left by the time the shoes passed down through her six older sisters. She survived cancer and a heart attack. She raised her children through the depression. She was blind for about the last ten years of her life. That's just skimming the surface of the hardships she faced in life, and I NEVER ONCE HEARD HER COMPLAIN...so you can bet I now feel guilty about feeling sorry for myself on her birthday!
Anyway, we all get knocked down now and then...I find that the best way to pick myself up is, as President Hinckley's father counseled him, to forget myself and get to work. It's not fun, but then neither is feeling sorry for myself. I need to strive harder to have an attitude of graditude!
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