WARNING: This is a self absorbed, I-am-so-picked-on kind of post. NOT a HAPPY one, kind of moody...so if you are in a GOOD mood read no further, OR if you enjoy optimism instead of pessimism (sp) read no further-I don't like hanging out with pessimists (Dan calls them realists)-so I wouldn't hang out with me on this blog.
Just a side note before I start: my life is really good, I am really blessed, I don't have much to complain about, BUT I still do... some days are a real bummers. It is raining today so I feel like it is setting the mood
Do you ever feel like you are second place or an afterthought in most people's lives, including the ones you love the most? I do. Yesterday (I should say last night) was one of those nights.
I feel like I am second place to Dan's work, because I get him after a full day of a super BUSY patient load and he is exhausted (I DO NOT blame him) or on his days off where he wants to relax from a busy schedule. He is not wanting to socialize after listening to his patients complain all day ( I DON'T blame him). Even his seminary class gets him bright and spiritually awake. I get the leftovers at the end of the day. He tries his hardest and there is not much he can do to change it. I just have to accept second place as a wife, in one way!
I am second place to my children...or the afterthought. They need me when they need something (not really, but some days it certainly feels that way!) After feeling a little picked on last night when I went to some sacrifice to make something new for dinner and a dessert to boot, Colton says to me, "mom can I set the table for you?" my heart stopped. ABSOLUTELY. After which he asked, "what else can I do for you mom?" Were my ears really hearing this? I told him he could play with Dacie who was having a HARD day (she is not feeling well). He pulled out her tub of toys and occupied her. I started getting a little suspicious and asked him what he wanted. He told me nothing. UNTIL later that evening I was looking at our dry erase board where I keep track of how many days Colton is grounded from playing games, and I realized one day was missing! When I asked who had changed the days, he told me, "don't I get days off for being nice and helping you?" I told him NO! I was grateful and sad at the same time. I then thought that ,for sure, Dacie was always up for some good momma loving--and would come to me regardless. Yeah, she came to me ALL day all right, BUT would not quit screaming unless I was STANDING UP and WALKING AROUND. There was the love with conditions again! So I felt like a second place mother yesterday as well.
Well, nothing cures a picked on heart like good conversations with your mom or mom-in-law. I called both. One I called to ask a question and she told me she would call me back, and never did (this is not the first time it has happened). I have also been excused during conversations with her, so she could talk to another child. I tried the other mom, where I was told to talk to other members of the family while she did some things. During that time another sibling called on another phone and she told me she would call me back---she did, but I was done with being an afterthought for the day. How RUDE, I was first! I KNOW I am not the only child in either family, and that I do not deserve special royalty treatment. I also know that when siblings call that rarely do, or have more severe problems than I do they get the attention. I will do it with my own kids. But, why does the squeaky wheel always get the oil? Maybe I will start being squeaky (just kidding). I also know the stuff I am usually chatting about is not important, BUT taking another call from another sibling validates it. I also know that some of my mothers may feel closer to other children, and that is all right too.They are both VERY busy with their lives and I can hardly expect them to fit me whenever I call. So, Sorry Sorensen siblings I am NOT your mom's favorite...Amy is! I felt like a second place daughter as well.
Hmmm.... so you see, I felt very picked on and went to bed sad. I am writing this so I can remember that life is not perfect and this is my real feelings sometimes. I also am writing this to say I have sympathy now for those who win 2nd place! ha ha
Wo is me!