Our Secret that is NO more...

The word is starting to get out...so I thought I would clarify things and let everyone know. It is allot easier this way-since there are so many questions and people are not sure how to ask or what to do. Some people feel this is a very private thing. But, as many of you know I am an "open book" sometimes-- and am willing to share intimate things with close friends (to a point of course). I also want to have this recorded in a journal--

Dan and I had a SECRET: We were going to be expecting our 5th child in early September. We rejoiced in this news as we are now 'open' to the idea for the first time since having Dacie. It would have been our biggest "break", so to speak, in between having children.

When we started to have large numbers of children we decided to keep this news on the 'low-down' until I started showing, just to avoid speculation, comments, and to help the time seem to pass faster (HOWEVER we NEEDED the FULL 9 months to get ready!). I also am the assistant girls camp director with my stake calling and was STILL going to camp--and wanted to avoid all the worry!

The first week after discovering our secret went great. But during the second week I started spotting. I thought little of it at first since I spotted a day or two with Dacie BUT NEVER with any of my others. When the spotting continued for more then a week and cramping set it--I knew that I may be miscarrying.

At 6 weeks into the pregnancy I knew that something was definitely not right. However, I also felt the best I had since I had discovered I was pregnant. I had a BIG YW/YM mini-conference that weekend, so the timing was not great. Our Presidency was so supportive and kind about me having to flake out the day of for a little while.

On Monday I went to the doctor and they were excited that I was still registering pregnant, and there was a little hope. BUT after an ultrasound it was confirmed that I was having what they call a complete spontaneous abortion (I don't like that terminology).

People have ask how I have been. Really, I have been at PEACE since it first started happening. This is something that is absolutely out of my hands.If something is not right with the pregnancy or the baby I would MUCH rather have it happen now than later. I realize that I am "lucky" that my miscarriages happen at the beginning and not to far into my pregnancies, if they are not working out (this is my 2nd miscarriage-I have 2 children and then miscarry). However, I did have longer this time to embrace the idea. I had one hard night of it, and by the next morning I was OK. I was grateful the worst happened over the weekend while Dan was home.

One of my friends described some of my feelings perfectly--as she had a similar experience, but her pregnancy kept. "I have felt that empty feeling. The feeling that my body betrayed me, and the guilt over the slight relief (if that makes sense-relief that my body was taking care of a fetus that should not have worked out, but guilt over that too.) "

I am still going through the process of making this complete, and it may take some months to have it completely healed. I also may need some medical intervention, but for now my body is taking care of it. I feel like after I have had a baby, and my body has taken longer recovering after my last 2 pregnancies--so I expect this to be no different. Emotionally/Hormonally I am doing good. I do spontaneously cry at moments-like during a newborn baby commercial last night. I feel like I am in a funk at times, but OVERALL-- I am GREAT!

Really I am at peace, I am good and I look forward to the future.

I have felt an outpouring of kindness and sincere concern. This situation is so minor compared to so many things other people have to face, but it is a testimony to me that I am surrounded by GOOD friends and family who absolutely support me regardless of the level of hardship--and I feel genuinely LOVED. That is the BEST feeling to have.

I realize that I have been behind on posting and other things, but I realize why as well.

SO you want to hear our next BIGGEST secret? I am going to apply to be on BIGGEST LOSER!!! I am hyped soooo...Yeah, look for me on TV! Or further posts to let you know how my application is coming.

Twilight!

OF Course, I read the books (ALL of them) and OF COURSE I went to the movie.

IF I spent hours late into the eve pouring over the pages to get my coveted reading time....I certainly could "sacrifice" to get in some of the movie time.

I was a twilight gal LONG before it became a rage and there was talk of the movie. I have to give my babysitter/YW/friends (Jentry Taylor, and the Westover twins) credit for opening the door of curiosity.

I was looking for something new to read and they recommended the Twilight series. I was a little skeptical hearing the story line, BUT I thought the books were great. Not to mention it has come in handy to be well versed w/ this knowledge for my new calling in stake Young Women's!

I am typically not a vampire werewolf gory kind of fan AT ALL, but I felt the writing was well done and mature so that this story was not "cheesy" and I was drawn in. I did feel in the 2nd book there started to be too much killing and I began to question my devotion...but I continued reading and was content.

There are adult themes talked about in them, but I feel like the author is careful and also mature in her writing of these topics (after all she IS LDS).

I have been excited to see it in a movie!!! ...

(Waiting in line..we got the best seats in the house due to covert operations of my fellow friends!)
I went with some die hard fans and it made it all the more fun. I can safely say I am a Twilight fan,

As in most cases the movie is NEVER as good as the book--
I felt like we were laughing when it was suppose to be serious. It was hard to get pulled in through the movie. As one of my friends (Kelli Bargar) put it put it... I thought-- oh!, this movie is good and then I would think oh!, it's OK a few minutes later.
AND I was pleasantly surprised by most of the casting even if that was not who I would have chosen originally! Not gonna lie...EDWARD was HOT!
It was still a SUPER FUN night!

(Don't we make great vampire mommas?...ha ha)
Nights don't get much more fun than this...when you get a group of FUN moms and friends together, Go to dinner at the Outback AND be teens together, just for the night!
Stories and laughter don't get much better than this. Especially when you have people running around the theatre in vampire capes and boy friends out front of the theatre picketing w/ signs that say "Boyfriends against vampires!" ha ha ha
There is time to laugh...
(Like I said, a securely married woman certainly can be a teen for the eve!)
Here is to FUN GIRL NIGHTS!

HaPPy BiRtHday to ME!!!!!

I turned 33 (Dan had to remind me b/c I thought it was 32)!!!!!!

It was such a great day...and here is why!
My sister and BIL had come the night previous and filled our car with 33 balloons. They also TP'd our bushes, door and mailbox w/ more balloons and Happy Birthday streamers.

DAN WAS HOME!! For the 1st time EVER (even when we were dating)
Dan came home from seminary before the boys woke up. I did not hear a thing until 8:05am...and then it was only to Dan yelling at the boys to get in the car as they were late AGAIN!!
Dan made me get back in bed and he brought me breakfast--poached eggs, MY FAVORITE!!!
I was able to hang in bed for a bit and finish off my 2nd novel of fabelhaven!
Dan did have to go into work for a little over an hour to do an evaluation and finish up paper work. The kiddos were good to me!
When Dan returned home he sent me to get a pedicure-now that softball is over I may be able to heal my big toenail!

When I got back from that Dan and I went and had a picnic lunch in the park, laying under the trees in the fall colors and WARM weather. We got run over by ants...so we went to a furniture store to price couches, as ours are dying!

Although-it was my b-day Dacie looked like the one who was growing up to me today. I could not resist taking a million pictures!

Of course there is nothing sexier than a man in an apron making your b-day cupcakes!! mmmm...red velvet--my favorite!!!!

After going out to dinner w/ Dan to get my favorite salad-- we came back home and had a 'mini' party w/ my sis and MY CHILDREN!!! I am NOT officially 33 until I blow out my candles according to Sterling. He does not believe in the day BUT the party!

NOW I am 33...

Dan's mom when she was watching the kids this weekend--had a creative idea and let the kids decorate cards for me, and then took them to the dollar store to pick out presents for me.

They were sooooooo excited--and felt such ownership in this birthday.

Their excitement was absolutely contagious!

...and of course, here is the 'loot' I raked in w/ a new winter coat hanging in the closet!

Now that I am 33, My goals for this birth year are:

To lose (at least) 33 pounds

&

Run 33 minutes straight w/out stopping (maybe a marathon)

I'll have to keep you posted!!!!!

HaPpy 8 YEARS, My LoVE!

Dan and I were married 8 years ago today....

As many of you have heard me say in the past.There is more than one person you can marry. However, you can make the better choice, for you. There is not a "one and only" as the world portrays it --BUT with that being said, after having been married to Dan he is "MY ONE AND ONLY". He could pass away and I would never need to get re-married-- because, I have felt what it is like to really be loved, I have felt love in its purest form-- and because of this love I feel absolutely content and satisfied in that area of my being, whether it is right by me or far away. He is the best one for me! I am grateful I FINALLY listened when the spirit told me that this was a really good thing!

With that being said-I can comfortably say that I am happily married after 8 years. We have accomplished so much in those 8 years. Sometimes we are astonished when our anniversary rolls around that it has not been longer. Dan committed to write a post about the things we have accomplished together. I really believe those are the things that help you grow into love. We have always been looking outward in the same direction (not necessarily in each others eyes)! So stay tuned for the resume of 8years of marriage (post)!!! ha ha ha

Our wedding was ABSOLUTELY perfect in every way. I celebrated with soo many that I love. I think I was able to share it with a person from every stage of my life. Because I was a little bit older when I got married I had experienced allot of things, and I was ECSTATIC to share the most important thing in my life with them-childhood peers, family, high school friends and even teachers, lifeguard buddies, Hill Cumorah Pageant friends, MTC students, EFY counselors/ participants, Basketball coached gals, BYU roomies and friends, girls camp leaders and gals, YW folk, mission companions, president and people I fell in love with....it was a celebration of my life and those who had entered it.I could not imagine it any other way!Besides you all know I am a party girl and this was a great reason to celebrate!

As many of you also know-it took quite awhile for me to decide to get married ...so when I FINALLY did, we CELEBRATED!

The circumstances in my life were 'different' when Dan and I got married. I had returned home from my mission in California--only to find out that my family was moving from Maryland (where I spent a majority of my life) back to California, at the end of that summer. So... when I got married my "home" was in a variety of places. I had taken out my endowments for my mission in the Washington DC temple. I had always known I would be married there. My family had barely moved from MD. months previous to when I was getting married. Dan and I were attending school at BYU and could have chosen a Utah temple--as we both had an abundance of family living there.Dan being raised for a majority of his life in Arizona--Mesa was always an option. Lastly, having served in California and my family now being there-- I could have gotten married in Oakland temple--as that was my mission temple. Realizing travel would have to be made by many wherever we chose, we reviewed the cost of flights, it was only 25 dollars more to go to DC and be in the state that was "home" to me. So amidst some grumblings and complaints we went ahead and decided to get married in DC and shared in every other place!

With a 5 plus month engagement-we had plenty of time to celebrate. Our wedding travels turned into what many would 'lovingly' refer to as the WEDDING TOUR 2000!!!! Some were planned, and some were unplanned and just came to be as time went on!

I kick myself for not getting t-shirts made, BUT if we had this is what it would of said (of course my memory is fading me so the dates may be off a bit):

~

SORENSEN/HUTCHINGS WEDDING TOUR 2000

Provo, Utah ((May/June 2000)-Surprise Bridal Shower

Auburn, California (July 2000)- Engagement party

Germantown, Maryland (July/ August 2000)- Bridal shower

Provo, Utah (September 2000)- Teacher Bridal shower

Washington DC- (OCTOBER 21, 2000) ~WEDDING DAY

Montgomery Village, Maryland (October 21, 2000)-Wedding day luncheon/reception

Rocky Point, Mexico ((October 24-26)-Honeymoon

Glendale, Arizona (October 26, 2000)- Open House

Provo, Utah (October 28, 2000)- Formal Reception

Lets take a trip down memory lane....

Provo, Utah May/June 2000-BYU ward surprise bridal shower

Despite all our LONG saga of love stories(REALLY!)....ironically 3 of us roomies (l to r: Alicia Hutchings(engaged to Dan), Carrine Ukila..sorry I forgot how to spell your last name Carrine(engaged to Randall), Christine Hutchings(engaged to Dave))ended being engaged at the same time (one being my cousin!) . My cousin and I were serving in the RS presidency for the ward and the gals got together to wish us well with a surprise!

AUBURN, California July 2000 Engagement Party

One of my most favorite people in the whole world, that I saw baptized while serving in Auburn, on my mission, Mark Mackay (his post is still coming), threw me an engagement party. Understanding my life in transition and being a party planner himself, he asked to throw me a engagement party as a wedding gift, while I was home in the summer with my family. I could invite those that I had recently served in the Roseville California mission and extended family I had living there. We had a country themed bar-b-q- in the rolling hills at Marks home. It was the happiest mission reunion EVER!

Germantown, Maryland July/August 2000- Bridal shower

My best friend from high school Alin Bauchiero threw me a bridal shower, since I was flown back that summer to help do girls camp in our old stake.
The day is soon arriving!!!! Sending out wedding invites a month before the BIG day
I LOVED our wedding announcement, because they folded up into threes and made this sweet, little, simple envelope invite!



October 20, 2000-Washington DC Tour
Since Dan had never been East of the Mississippi--we decided to go take the bus tour of DC the day before the wedding. It was a 'quickie', BUT we are going back one day....

OCTOBER 21, 2000~ OUR WEDDING DAY!

My wedding day was what I had always envisioned and more. It was during my favorite season...FALL. The leaves had changed colors BUT the day was warm and clear. I was in my favorite temple, with a man who adored me, surrounded by a few of our closest family and friends. I was absolutely in bliss!
But, the most important thing is that I was starting eternity. This was not just a 'till death do we part' thing--it was forever! What comfort, peace and stability that commitment brought. Someone wanted me forever, and I them!
I would NOT have changed a thing about the day (even me falling down the stairs and breaking the heel on my shoe--it was comic relief)!

October 21, 2000- Luncheon/Reception after the sealing
We decided to combine a busy day of wedding events and make our wedding luncheon a reception at the same time. Giving us an early evening so we could catch a plane early the next morning.
The picture above is us leaving the luncheon (as Mr. & Mrs. Sorensen--it took some getting used too!) to a trashed rental car that required cleaning before calling it a night. We did learn from this, and for our Provo Reception we rode a carriage and horse to our far away parked car!


October 24-26 2000 Rocky Point, Mexico- Honeymoon Bliss
It was the most romantic time of my LIFE! We spent days on the beach, watching sunsets and spent nights listening to the waves by candlelight in the most beautiful of homes-- enjoying and learning about us -no phones, TV or people around!
October 26, 200- Glendale, Arizona Open House

We returned from our honeymoon only to run straight to an open house. I should of known better...realizing that Dan had lived there for most of his life, and much of his extended family as well--this little open house was a full-blown reception. You heard no complaints from me!

October 28, 2000- Utah Formal Reception
Since this reception landed on my birthday- of course,we had to have a pinata!!!!!
Because a majority of friends and family were centrally located in Utah, and because this is where we were residing at the time--we ended the wedding tour with a formal reception in Provo, Utah.
This reception was super fun and so well attended!
We had a program with singing...
AND everyone dancing. The big white puff in the middle right, would be me-I lost pieces of my dress at this point! I got good use of it!

...guitar playing (Dan wrote and sang a song for me on his guitar IN FRONT OF EVERYONE--knowing him even better, now, I realize what a HUGE sacrifice that was on his part)
Clogging Performance (I was on the BYU folkdance back-up teams while attending BYU-Clogging was a favorite!!!) this is a rendition of Dan and I's courtship, performed by my cousin Jason Finch and sister Amberlyn--it was hilarious!!!!
I was teaching 3rd grade at Franklin Elementary at the time, and my class even came and performed cowboy songs (me helping them sing above, and the class singing below)! It was a cowboy, sunflower, fall theme for the wedding. We even had this reception in a big barn!!!Don't worry I have settled down a bit since then, and I have "bunkered" down and become a good ol' frumpy mom!

For those of you who know Dan well, realize that socializing and attention to him-are not his thing. He was a little leery about all these events...until we brought home all the gifts (I could have cared less about the gifts..I LOVE the sociability), and then he wanted to schedule some more.Ha ha ha-he is so funny! We can look around our house and see pieces of everyone in it. We were so blessed by so many who wanted to celebrate with us and sacrifice-- comfort,money, travel, gifts and convenience to make it all happen! We realize it was made possible by so many- we will never take that one for granted. Thanks for sharing this special time with us...even 8 years later!

It was hard coming back to reality after all that fun--BUT we did! I cannot look at these pictures and not smile. It was an AmAzInG time in my life!!! I will never forget it...ever--

This is one of the rewards for 8 years of marriage- a picture helper (our four beautiful children)!!!!! Dacie loved helping me take a trip down memory lane!

I LOVE YOU DANIEL RAY SORENSEN!!!!

End of year Bake-A-Thon!

With it being the last week of school, preschool, seminary and H.S Graduation...my kitchen was in a constant state of cooking! Cupcakes to help celebrate Colton's "pretend" b-day at school , since his birthday always falls in the Summer--we did red, white, and blue for a July theme!
The cake I decorated with all the leftover goodies this week... it was for Sterling's end of year potluck
The cookie bouquets I made for Dan's seminary seniors, and a few other graduating friends!
Because of this our kitchen was in a constant state of chaos this week! Look out BELOW...