And I Cried!!!!

Thursday August 6th was the FIRST day of SCHOOL! This year I sent 2 boys off to school. Sterling went into Kindergarten and Colton into 2nd. They were soooooo excited! There was not a minute of remorse or sadness from them. I felt the same way, I was excited FOR them. I felt like I was prepared since I had already done it with Colton for two years now. I dropped them off just fine and did not even feel a little sadness, especially when I saw how excited and ready they both were for this. They were in good hands.

BUT THEN I GOT HOME! I had not really understood the place Sterling has played in our family's autonomy, until he was gone. It became evident when I got home. I missed his presence. I was looking forward to having only two home--which has been a LONG time coming. BUT I did not realize the make up of our family that was left at home. Ryland has followed his brothers since the day he was born. Dacie and him rarely associate. Dacie follows me around.There is a little over 2 yr. difference in their age, and they are both hitting two milestones in their play that are the exact opposites!! Ryland is building and Dacie is tearing down. It is going to take a little bit to learn about each other. Even when Sterling was in preschool last year Dacie was taking 2 naps and was asleep for a majority of the time.

Sterling is the ultimate helper and cleaner around the house. He always has been. It helps a task driven mom who appreciates a clean house when they lay down for naps, picking up toys and putting them in their proper place, strapping Ryland into his car seat,or needing a diaper, or taking out a dirty diaper... I did not realize how helpful my two older boys were. I asked Ryland to get a diaper for me and it took him 45 minutes of serious whining and him telling me, "mom, stop making me panic!"

The boys were my extra set of eyes as well. IF they saw the younger ones doing something naughty they would tell me or stop them. BUT with them gone... in a manner of minutes after getting home Dacie had the left over rice krispy cereal left in the box out of the trash can and all over the carpet, couch and her.

The two kids followed me around most of the day and cried. I could tell they felt out of place. Ryland just wanted to eat all day because his playmates were gone and Dacie was SUPER jealous to have someone else vying for my attention. Ryland was super needy and needed me to look at him in the eyes and let him know he was heard. He showed me every cheeto he ate at lunch. I had to look at every single cheeto because it was skinny, or fat, or funny. AAhH! I missed my boys.

I did not just miss their help, I just missed them. They complete our family and it just felt awkward. I missed their little personalities with me. So at one point during the day I lost it. I just started sobbing. I could not help it. I wondered if this ever gets easier-for missions, college, marriages. They are all necessary and good things...but it does not mean I don't miss them.

Poor Ryland did not know what to do when I started crying. Him and Dacie immediately came over and were kissing and hugging me. Ryland asked me, "whats the matter? Did Daddy ruin your life?" (where did he get that from?) I smiled amidst the tears and told him that I just missed Colton and Sterling to which he replied, "why mommy are they going to live in a different house?" Then he started getting teary-eyed. I told him they were definitely coming home I just missed them during the day while they were at school. At this point I needed to pull it together for the babies at home. So I distracted myself by making a cake that looked like a bus for dinner to celebrate their first day (thanks for the idea Grandma H).

I was always close to tears for most of the day...BUT then they came home! I got to hug and tell them why I missed them. They told me about their wonderful days... and the fighting started. We were right back to normal!!! Today has gone much better. It is hard growing up!